Letters to Germans
by Crimson Knighte
Summary: Letters exchanged between Austria, Germany, Prussia, and Switzerland shed light on an interesting aspect of their lives.


Dear Roderich,

This morning something not quite German about cowsheds and cheese was blaring from my office as I wasn't in there I was slightly curious what Gilbert may or may not be up too. But upon opening the door I really was unprepared to find Vash um dancing… very ah –coughs- well. When he spun around he was well how do you say –sighs- He had eye liner and eye shadow on. "Is this like last week when I came home to find you in a pink foofy apron baking brownies and Prussia was tied and gagged to one of the kitchen chairs?" He glared at me for some time I meant ah no offense to him you know me I speak very little I think he forgets that… Then he started crying and saying things like it made him feel pretty so I started patting him on the back as comforting as I could. Gingerly I tried inquiring about Prussia. Vash stiffened saying it wasn't like last time when he kissed him into submission he kinda shot at him a bit and then threw him in a huge foot locker… I really didn't know what to say at this point. I mean that was my brother at the same time I liked how Vash commanded authority when he wanted it. What I'm trying to say is he now has me tied to a kitchen chair while he bakes confectionary sweets and I'd like you to drop by to help our friend understand just because Lily went on a date it doesn't mean that your friends are going to leave you and stop loving you like France did when he finally found out she was of age and you shot at him until he was bleeding wine…. Love, Ludwig P.S. Please bring some coffee were running low here I'm afraid. P.P.S. Untie me. It hurts to write with my mouth.

Dear Roderich,

Everyone seems to think I have gone crazier than usual. I ran out of ammunition because Germany hasn't let me go home in a few days. And as you know without my guns I get kinda depressed I mean I found some this morning… But I used it on Gilbert because he wanted to fuck all day and I just wanted to keep baking. I guess Lily's apron is really sexy? You know me I try to be frugal there was no sense in discarding a perfectly usable apron… Lily went out with some human boy and well I didn't like it I accidentally made her cry and I've been calling Hungary a lot to talk to her but she wants to me spend a few days cooling down. I got really drunk the first day and woke up next to Ludwig in a dress and full on make up. Curious the second day I tried the same thing. I woke up next to you in a tutu. Yesterday I drank a keg and found myself sharing a couch with Gilbert naked. What the hell people? This morning Gilbert and Ludwig were on the couch. -sighs- They think I'm crazy because baking is my only comfort since I'm without my guns. I want to feel manly and pretty at the same time. Maybe then Lily will forgive me. Mean while every other day I find you and Gilbert or some combination there of with Ludwig in his office doing unspeakable things and then have the audacity to ask me to join you! I am not a sausage man. I will not boil sausages for your stupid festivals. I prefer chocolate and goat herding thank you very much. Can you come here and play piano? I find Mozart soothing when the house gets too silent… Love, Vash P.S. I'd also bring ammunition if you know what's good for you ^^

Dear Ludwig,

Vash is a grieving parent Lily's growing up has upset our dear love. And yes I mean that. Getting the fine gentleman inebriated repeatedly does not make him forget what we all do when we are so sodden of alcohol we start acting like pigs in a sty or bitches in heat. I'll be over shortly I have to call Elizaveta and tell her I am unable to return Vash to Lily just yet as my dear friends have sullied everything up. Oh and I found Gilbird he's apparently afraid of baking made by Vash… With not so much love as obligation, Roderich

Dear Roderich or anybody really,

God penlights suck so much… So the awesome me made like the most amazing proposition to that uptight gun toting goat-herding son of a bitch and he turns me down. I thinking he didn't heard me generously offered again and again. Now this is embarrassing but I find myself bleeding and shoved in an enclosed space and all I remember is an enraged man in a pink apron… Please get me out of here I'll make it worth your while ;-) Love, Gilbert P.S. Has anyone seen my awesome chick?

Dear Gilbert,

So sorry but I can't seem to find the footlocker you speak of. Besides Vash and I are a little busy before we release Ludwig… Get back to you later. –Roddy

Dear Vash,

I'm bringing coffee since you forgot to mention your running low. Before we release those two buffoons we should have some fun with music… I loved your truffles on my last visit I love to try some more. Love, Roddy

Dear amazing Germans,

Thanks for the great show never knew Roderich was so fearsome in bed. Gilbert lay off the beer you look like roadkill. Vash can I steal you for a day? That apron is delish… Ludwig I promise not to tell Italy. But I got video tapes and and Japan asked for them so you get a cut its in the enveloped maybe buy some more beer. Love, Elizaveta


End file.
